alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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