If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
