I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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