I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can't turn off my feet"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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