Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
