Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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