We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
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she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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