So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
