before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
