i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
