yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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