Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I won the penis lottery.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
