I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
