seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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