3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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