I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
