I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
