I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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