so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
