My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
