Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
