Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
