i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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