New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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