I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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