"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
