You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
