he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
