I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
