He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
