I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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