You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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