When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
