i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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