Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
