I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
