ya dads aren't the best wingmen
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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