She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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