If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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