Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
