I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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