sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
