you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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