Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
