I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
