If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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