Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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