the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I am morally bankrupt
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dicks are not precious.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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