I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
