Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
