1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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