There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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