It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
