just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
