why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
