fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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