Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Someone shit on the floor
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
