So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
