Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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