Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
