the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
