I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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