Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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