I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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