After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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