Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
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