I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My dick has a subreddit
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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