Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
