i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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